Date: 24 December
Location: the rocks above Elwood beach.
Where at all possible I abdicate decisions.
When faced with a breakfast menu I'll toy with the idea of Turkish baked eggs and labneh, 'consider' the Mexican jalapeño fritters and even 'like the look of' the house-cured trout with creme fraiche and organic dill. Then I'll order poached eggs and smashed avocado on toast as always.
When I shop I just buy everything. Better I have it, just in case. Can always return it (never do).
I suffer anguish when there are multiple watchable TV shows all on at once: I flip between Mythbusters, Supersize v Superskinny and Poirot and then enjoy not one of them. (Hush, I can hear you judging my free-to-air choices.)
I dither when it comes to setting a date for anything — be it a party, a dinner date or a car service. Thank Christ for Christmas and it's blessed predictability.
I know I've made choices before: like, to switch my university degree preferences at the 11th hour, to dump my first boyfriend, to move to Canada, to quit my job. However, like a woman post-childbirth, the trauma necessitated me blacking out the process.
So you can imagine my effing delight when, having decided on the London move with the Magic Circle law firm, my current employer flops around and offers to send me to London to work at their head office in a fabulous permanent role.
On one hand, the Magic Cirle role offers prestige, an energetic peer group, black tie balls and an in-building bar and pool. It offers the prospect of great bonuses and cutting edge, front page private equity work. It also offers paralysingly sharp deadlines, fiercely competitive collgeaues and a work/life 'balance' that translates roughly to work = life.
On the other hand, the in-house role offers a real work life balance, fruit baskets in the kitchen and actual normal people as colleagues. It offers me a role that is fairly unique in that I'll have a certain freedom to make it mine in a time of big changes for the legal team. I'll be out if my depth for a while, handling mergers and acquisitions in a way I haven't before.
There's also the consideration that I've signed that contract and breaking it will look really, really bad. I'll be setting fire to a bridge and watching with (nervous) impunity as it burns — with no way of getting back across should I ever want to. Naturally a people pleaser, this troubles me perhaps more than it should.
I've flipped a coin. I've written pros and cons list. I've tried to add relative weightings to each pro and each con. The result? Nothing more than recalling that maths is hard.
I've polled my people: The Twin, Bunky, papa bear, a friend in London, Kennedy, my career coach, Legally Blonde.
The only piece of advice that's really worked so far was from The Planeteer: trust your gut.
So I'm having think time. I spent the morning with Planeteer and Bunky and the (uber trendiest, uber hippiest, most uber Byron Bay-esque) raw coffee shop, Combi. We had almond mylk espressos and superfood bowls brimming wth goodness. Now, I'm sitting by the bay in Elwood, thinking that Melbourne is very pretty, looking down towards Tasmania (I think. I'm a bit rubbish at directions so perhaps I'm facing more Adelaide-ward?) and trying to decide Where To From Here?
This far, the only thing that's struck me (aside from the odd rogue sea splash) is how grateful I am to be stuck in ths 'terrible' posotion. So, in the spirit of Christmas, and that of procrastination, here are some of other things for which I am grateful this year — and, yes, some of them may seem shallow to you but this is my list and you can be as peace love and yoga as you like on your own list:
- My beautiful apartment. I'm a fussy Libran and I like things to be just so: pristine, full of light, simple, generally aesthetically pleasing. I don't make for an easy roomate. I'm so grateful to have a pretty little place to call mine for now, happy that it's so close to everyone in my life — and thrilled that I can shut them all out with one door slam when I want to.
- Friendships. From the sturdy, big fat oak tree ones that aren't going anywhere (Bunky), to the old ones that have sprouted new life this year (the Twin, Tassels), to temporary travel ones that may or may not last, it's been a great year for friends. Friends with whom you can plan and execute a day-long themed progressive dunch — cocktails and canapés at a Mexican fiesta, entree at Schoolies Week, mains in a mock German beer hall, dessert at the Mad Hatter's tea party and wine and cheese by candelight — are pretty good friends.
- My adopted car. It's red and it's convertible and it makes me fall in love with life. So, I'm shallow. Whatever.
- The shrinking globe. It's never been easier to travel the world, or to keep in touch with far away friends.
- Family, but I don't want to talk about it.
- Being happy in solitude. (Which my iPad keeps trying to change to 'spoil tide' which is concerning. Autocorrect is having a field day today, changing the title of the post to 'Libyans duck at faking decisions' while I wasn't paying attention. Bad autocorrect.) It's been quite the relief to just realise how much I like the odd day completely to myself — and that that's ok.
Eff it. I'm taking the new job.