The future freaks me out
Mostly, what these otherwise unconnected stories — unconnected save in that they all happened to me — have in common is me being awkward or uncomfortable. Sometimes both. Enjoy.
Author Archives: Alex
The luck of the Scottish
Long overdue tales of whisky and water from the Inner Hebrides.
Our Adventure Through The Chunnel
Apart from that, we shall eat and drink and shop. What’s French for ‘like, obviously’?
The Mysterious Affair at the Villa
The setting was best described by Joey in her WhatsApp briefing message to me: ‘Get off at Chuisi. Ask for La Foce Villa. It’s huge. It’s ridiculous. It’s like an Agatha Christie novel.’
The offices
“D’you speak English?”
I turn around. Before me is a stereotypical American guy, about the same age as my dad, in a baseball cap and an Italian soccer shirt. I’m really very tempted to retort with a gallic shrug and a, “Non, je ne parle pas l’angalais,” but I don’t. I’m very clearly reading an English book and what if we’re stuck in this line for the gallery for ages and I need to ask someone something and have to do it in French?
Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
A train to Tuscany, Neapolitan mermaid donuts, some mild self reflection.
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?
In which I crush on rainy Italy.
S**t! F***ing s**t!
I panic. We panic. I swear a lot. It’s basically what you’d expect a scene with two Aussie girls in a little Italian town to look like. There are impatient Italian drivers yelling and gesturing furiously, an old man watching as he smokes from his balcony, horns bleating, lots of nervous sweat, a dog.
The prisoner’s log
Day 1 of my incarceration…
The Master Will See You Now
The college is closed to those not in residence but we have an invitation. So, at the porters lodge we tentatively say that we’re here to see ‘The Master’.
An unsettlingly big place 