Date: 12 November.
Location: Supernormal, waiting for my lunch date. (I just typed 'Superlobster'. My mind is just all 'Lobster rolls! Lobster rolls! Lobster rolls!')
The other day I discovered a shiny little treasure trove: my collection of mixtape CDs from 2005 to 2009. Ohhh, it's grim. Slash awesome.
I seemed to have really enjoyed a lot of of Black Eyed Peas, have made a gentle foray into mild R&B (Blue, so much Usher, Ciara), enjoyed reggae-inspired pop (looking at you Sean Paul) and some truly terrible house music. Message to the 2000s: One catchy phrase nicked from an INXS song and set to a horrifically repetive and indulgently drawn-out heavy base track is not good music. So, dear 2005 Alex, please go back and rethink your music taste.
Actually, while you're at it, please rethink your addiction to tanning beds. No one, no not even Shane Warne, looks good that shade of burnt sienna and you're going to put your health in jeopardy for the pleasure.
Rethink your spray-on skinny acid-washed jeans from Gasp. You may think they look cool tucked into your cowboy boots but do they? Do they?
Related: Invest in a full length mirror.
Rethink your choice of boyfriends. And that backless, strapless white dress you wore to second year law ball? Rethink that too. Seriously think hard about drunkenly pashing that guy from the Commerce Society because you're soon going to see him regularly, out and about at various popular Richmond brunch spots and every single house auction in the area. It'll be awkward. Yes, even 9 years later.
Also, you should stress less about boys, just a bit more about study. Not too much though.
Don't take Intermational Law. Or, do, but only to realise it's not your thing (thankfully, because you're really rubbish at it).
Oh, and before you go out to Seven the week before your Corporations Law exam, picture yourself in 2014 having to explain to two partners of a London magic circle firm via video conference why your marks in that subject aren't all that great. Try doing it without using the terms 'Seven', 'Red Room', '4am' or '$2.50 basic spirits'.
Travel even more. When you look back at uni years you'll remember your all night train rides through Vietnam, not sleep ins.
Don't buy a 'shrug'. For heaven's sake, it sounds like 'slug'.
Don't get blonde streaks in your hair. You will look like a tiger. And not a sexy one. A stupid tiger who ignored her friends' advice.
Move out earlier — you'll be stupidly poor but, if you're just going to go out and buy Gasp acid-wash jeans and get your hair streaked, then you can't be trusted with much money anyway.