Date: 29 August.
Location: 50 Acres cafe. What? I like the … scenery.
Prepare yourself for lols aplenty at my expense for I have decided that it’s time to stop being such a wuss disguised as a snob and start online dating. Not Tinder! Never (again) Tinder. Proper, cringe-worthy, giggily-tipsily-confess-to-it-over-amaretto-sours type online dating.
Back when I worked for a law firm and was in a terrible man drought (a truly hazardous natural disaster!) a recently engaged senior associate told me that I needed to start ‘dating aggressively’. I protested (aggressively) and I had plenty of great supporting arguments:
- I have no time: work was eating my life, and it was impossible for me to make plans. No longer valid.
- But I hate dating. Still true, but less of an arguement against than it is pro when you think about it. I wasn’t very good at yoga’s Crow a Pose until I started tackling it head on (sometimes far too head on, as I frequently faceplanted).
- All my friends are single. No longer true. Many of my nearest and dearest singletons have fled this land girt by sea and others have updated their romantic status (looking at Bunky here).
- I’m selfish and I like to sleep in the middle of the bed. (Not a real reason, Alex.)
- I hate people. Not strictly true. Despite some introverted and sociopathic tendencies, I’m often happiest around my friends.
And, as a friend recently pointed out to me, there’s a question on a certain dating site that is ‘Who pays on the first date?’ so I can screen for men who ticked ‘He does’ — and feed my unemployed self on dinner dates. She was only kind of joking. I’m only kind if joking now as I bring it up.
If nothing else, watching the Australian Bachelor has convinced me that my Blake is out there. Oh my god, I’m kidding! It’s actually convinced me that all girls are lunatics so I may as well get amongst the chaos.
Well, if you happen to read this, senior associate, you can smugly announce to your new husband that this is all your doing.