Date: 10 April 2014.

Location: seat 43D (aisle, obviously), Singapore Airlines flight, somewhere over noth western Australia.

Notable sightings: none to report. Airports and airplanes.

Not a terribly auspicious beginning.

Board plane, peruse movie options and peruse menu and, with the smug self satisfaction of a Trans-Pacific frequent flyer, take this 'brief' 7 hour jaunt into Asia in my stride and prepare for pleasant afternoon.

2 or so hours later, while still very much not any closer to Asia, in place on the tarmac with Melbourne rain pouring onto the cabin outside, I contemplate the merits of a fifth packet of peanuts and consider that, how ever much I dislike flying, this has to be worse. My fellow inmates have started to go feral: kids are running the aisles, stewardess call buttons are lighting up like Christmas lights, everyone has their mobile out making whingy calls to (no doubt vastly appreciative) friends and family, I'm pretty sure some sick bags have been used.

We've also been politely informed that, once we do fly, turbulence is to be expected. For about 2 hours. I think I want to use my sick bag.

All of the aforementioned actually might have been fine, if I could distract myself with whatever was on offer on 'KrisWorld' entertainment – but my screen appears to be broken and the harried yet still gorgeous Singaporean stewardesses powerless to fix it (“it'll work once we take off”, but even they don't seem convinced.)

Full disclosure: first up was totally going to have been Disney's Frozen. Don't judge: you raise us on Disney princesses, when we get sleepy and nervous we want Disney princesses.

Sometime later we take off, lunch is served so the (5 packs of) peanuts in my stomach thankfully now have company and my screen miraculously comes to life, shocking me and the stewardess both. As I write this, everything had seemed to be looking up except that Prince Hans, for whom I was rooting in Frozen, has just turned out to be the bad guy — saying perhaps more about the state of my terrible judgement with men than the stealthy scripting of Disney's screenwriters.




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